


for the last time

by joydecoy



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: M/M, im salty but also happy for them, slight angst too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 03:31:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11222394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joydecoy/pseuds/joydecoy
Summary: sungwoon’s hands are clasped behind his back and he’s staring at the floor, when BoA calls his name for 11th place.





	for the last time

**Author's Note:**

> so, produce 101 ended. i don't know how to feel about the top 11 tbh, but pls enjoy this anyway.  
> (#justiceforjonghyunandsamuel)

it’s stupidly desperate how much sungwoon wants this last place in the line-up, but when he thinks of everyone around him that has already lost hope in themselves, he doesn’t know what to do. it’s between sewoon and him now, and he doesn’t know what to expect, what to think. 

the crowd’s quieter at such a late hour at night, some fans crying in the audience and some already leaving. from where he’s standing, he sees hyunbin burying his head in his hands, shoulders shaking silently, crying for jonghyun’s 14th place. the others are comforting him, but to no avail. that leader kid from seventeen, s.coups, looks solemn, and so the i.o.i members. sungwoon closes his eyes and tries to clear his mind.

competition is a cruel thing, and he’s already known this for years, standing at the back of the other idols at music shows, hands sore from clapping. competition is a cruel thing, when taehyun gets eliminated and he hides everything behind smiles. competition is a cruel thing, and sungwoon’s known this for years, but the greed in his heart rears its head again and again, wanting more.

a long time ago, an ex told him that wanting is a dangerous thing to do, that it consumes you whole. sungwoon didn’t believe it, but right now as he’s standing among his friends, heart in his throat, he believes it. the silence drags on, and he can’t breathe.

sungwoon’s hands are clasped behind his back and he’s staring at the floor, when BoA calls his name for 11th place.

his mind goes completely blank, but everyone is circling him, already hugging and congratulating him. time slows down around him in that moment. as he looks at their happy smiles, he realises that everyone around him has lost their chance at debuting, and it was all because of him. this could be the last time he’d ever see all of them, not for a long time, not on this stage, not in these outfits, maybe not ever again.

competition is cruel, but the idol industry is worse. who can tell them apart, anyway?

sungwoon can’t do anything but smile weakly at everyone around him, and he can’t stand it, can’t stand the suffocation of everything any longer. he runs up to the platform, and when he looks at taehyun at the sidelines, taehyun’s crying.

sungwoon takes the mic and makes a short speech, making his way up the 11th place seat. the shock mutes his movements, slows his thinking down as he gazes down at everyone one else. he makes brief eye contact with samuel, and samuel smiles at him, and sungwoon smiles back, but just barely.

a thought suddenly hits him: what about samuel and jonghyun? this seat was theirs, not his. jonghyun, who took up the leader position in every team and got the least parts, who encouraged everyone and showed nothing but passion. samuel, who choreographed beautifully and did center position so well, who spent a third of his life chasing his dreams only to be shot down again and again. was sungwoon really better than them? they deserved this seat more than him, but he wants it too much to bear.

soon, they’re all dismissed, and sungwoon runs, making a bee-line for samuel to hug him tightly. no words are exchanged, just samuel breaking down in tears into his shoulder. sungwoon doesn’t let go, just tells him that everything’s alright, he’s going to be alright. samuel apologises later, but sungwoon just hugs him again and brushes it off.

jonghyun doesn’t cry when sungwoon approaches, but just smiles tiredly, defeatedly. sungwoon can’t stand it, so he hugs jonghyun as tight as possible and tells him it’s not the end. jonghyun smiles and says, “don’t worry, i know. take care of yourself, yeah?” the fact that jonghyun still cares about him even after being eliminated, breaks his heart just a little.

sungwoon wanders around for a while, hugging and talking to everyone he knows. there’s something sad about the whole thing, the end to a whirlwind of a competition.

filming ends soon after that, and all the trainees are hustled to a waiting room as they prepare to go home. sungwoon weaves through the crowd, greeting anyone he passes but only looking for taehyun. it doesn’t take long to find him, and taehyun immediately envelops him in a bone-crushing hug, dragging him into a corner.

“i’m so proud of you,” taehyun murmurs, and sungwoon’s heart lifts. the familiarity of taehyun is comforting, in a way that sungwoon didn’t realise he’d miss until now.

“did i do the right thing? what about jonghyun and samuel? they’re so talented and so much more deserving than me,” the words spill out of his mouth in a rush, but taehyun just shakes his head fondly.

“you’re talented as well, dumbass,” he teases, and a warmth spreads through sungwoon’s chest. there’s a lull in conversation as they both collapse onto the floor, leaning onto each other even as the other trainees around them are still talking excitedly. the future’s bright and uncertain, but nothing has changed, not really. he’s still himself, taehyun's still taehyun, hotshot’s still hotshot. the past months have been difficult, but he's made so many new friends and improved so much that he's nothing but grateful to everyone.

it’s about three in the morning, and sungwoon hasn’t slept in two days, so he lays his head on taehyun and closes his eyes. he hears taehyun talking to someone else, laughing away. it’s comforting.

as sungwoon looks back on everything, he thinks he won’t change a thing, just for this moment of contentment, surrounded by the people he loves.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are v appreciated! thank you so much for reading this yall  
> hmu on tumblr @joydecoy


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